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My blog/lj posts are sporadic at best. I guess I don't have much to talk about. Work is work I guess. I have a sort of newish-gray area position at work. I make random cool shit. Basically.

My first project is a networked display of 18 computers that will pull all the various metrics and business data from various sources, munge it up into XML, and display them in ultra pretty fashion on each 42in TV (18). It's a pretty cool project, I'm learning how to temper artistic creativity with business acumen. I've been focusing on the presentation of data in meaningful ways, easily digestible formats for people that don't have time to sit and stare at a spreadsheet. Function follows form or some such.

It's all built using Quartz Composer, which is fairly similar to Processing. Check out some of the videos of it on Vimeo (http://vimeo.com/videos/search:quartz%20composer). You'll have to sort through it to find the really interesting stuff, but it's a pretty versatile tool. The next step with this application is on-demand video streaming (HD), so at any point we can take over this network of displays to pipe out trainings, meetings, things like that. Yeah I cooked all this up in my head. One of the most attractive parts of it all is that it's free. All the hardware comes from the service center. I take destroyed laptops and TVs and rebuild them for this. IF I had to put a price tag on it all... I'd say a similar system could cost up 50K for an outside company to design and build. I enjoy the challenge of it.

Our TV blew up the other day so we had to replace it. Got a newish 32in 720p LCD. It's nice, although the audio quality on it is pretty tinny. We'll have to see what we can do about that.

Ashley and I got new glasses. Hers look great, she's got the hot librarian thing going on now. I went with the typical art nerd black frames. I think they look nice.

We had a good discussion the other night about how in the past with certain circles of friends, I always tried to fit in, I always sought approval of my actions from my friends. I always wanted to be interesting or as brilliant as someone who wrote well, or played music... or... whatever. It's nice to have some temporal distance on it though, to be able to look back and understand the things that I did or used to do. Poor self esteem is a shitty thing, and I guess really the proof is in the pudding because how many of those people do I talk to now? None. How many actively seek me out? I spent a long time trying to get the "ok" from them because I never quite felt good enough. I think that ties into the whole "Matt the computer guy" thing too. I'm not just a computer nerd. I write music. I cook. I'm an artist. A creative problem solver. I am determined to understand everything. I dream. I guess I feel a twinge of regret, wishing things went differently back then, but I don't think I missed out on anything. Even if I was someone that all these people found interesting, I don't think I would have enjoyed it. I would have found some flaw, or wouldn't feel that it was genuine.

So, whatever. I'm happy. I have an awesome wife, with a great dog. A big house. A job that allows me to stretch my brain in ways I never imagined. Money is starting to come in line, even though we have occasional hiccups.

I sat on the couch with Ashley last night, and felt very satisfied for the first time in awhile.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 10th, 2008 02:24 pm (UTC)
Great entry.
Even though we were never friends "Friends", like hanging out and stuff I've always enjoyed reading when you do update, the same with Ashley..... I like that you guys actually think about stuff and ain't skeered to admit things like what you have typed about in the entry about trying to fit in.

I like you guys.
Dec. 11th, 2008 08:43 am (UTC)
Thanks, that made me smile :D

I've always felt like some weird perverted voyuer on your journal, I guess it's probably because the only time I've talked to you in person was in those old Design or Die meetings with Ukiah. I probably didn't even talk then...
Dec. 10th, 2008 10:21 pm (UTC)
Cheers, mate.
Dec. 11th, 2008 08:43 am (UTC)
You need more Dr. Pepper.
Dec. 11th, 2008 10:27 pm (UTC)
i ALWAYS need more Dr.Pepper.
Dec. 16th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC)
itt late but yes

i've spent the last year or two analyzing myself and figuring out why i was doing all the things i used to/currently do. ultimately most of the things i was unhappy with were directly related to 'trying to fit in' or 'trying too hard to get everyone in the world to like me'. i'm not good with keeping people close, but i wanted the world to think i was a good guy. only problem was people started thinking i was a pushover and a rube, and i couldnt figure out why nobody had any respect for me.

nowadays i just dont give a shit what i look like to people. i'm a lot happier. i do what i want, when i want. granted, i dont have a lot of close friends, but i dont have to juggle drama either.

poor self esteem is indeed a shitty thing; it's just funny that now that i have a decent opinion of myself, it doesnt really matter. life's funny like that i guess.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )